How does one apologize?

So what do you do when you need to apologize to someone in your life and you feel like the more time passes the harder it gets? I disappointed a friend recently and I feel horrible. All I want to do is pick up the phone and beg forgiveness but then I wonder the response will be. I have done odd things to my friends throughout my dealings with my depression and anxiety over the last 13 years, no question. And for the most part I have been completely forgiven (as far as I know). My friends have always accepted the whole person I am, faults and all. When I am anxious or upset I have a difficult time communicating and it weighs heavily on me.

I hate disappointing my friends. I really hope I end up being able to make amends with this friend and start feeling like I can pick up the phone. I have been told that I am a much nicer person since my work craziness ended, so I hope that stress is over. I was an absolute mess at the end of the site contest. I clocked in more than double the hours during the last few days of the contest and my hubby worked like a slave over the last week as well. Of course while my part ended and is back to normal, his job still has him incredibly tied up. I just pray for some courage and some level of forgiveness from the people who love me.

Another day, another dollar...

I really want a brownie right now. If you ask me why I am unsure why; it seems like that would solve my world's issues. Clearly unlikely! Just called 2 different Caribou stores and they are both out of them. What is the world coming to?!? I would actually leave my home after 9pm to buy a brownie. I am not one of the most savvy or smart individuals out there (obviously). I would also love a mocha, and strangely enough I have everything in my place to make such an item. So why would I want to waste gas and money when I could make this very thing in my kitchen? I really don't know. It's become my hobby to throw money at Caribou and Starbucks lately and I am certain they appreciate it. My checking account is crying on the other hand, almost weeping.

I want comfort ultimately and someone else making my drink somehow offers me just that. I swear it tastes better! In the end I am not going to leave and go out seeking an elusive elixir to soothe myself. Most likely I can find something, such as writing on here, that will make a fine substitute. This is what I am going to tell myself.

So as for the title of this post...I work from home which I have mentioned before and it used to be almost fun. However, right now it's the bane of my existence. No lie. Seriously. This job is slowly sucking the joy out of my days. Now mind you I have been picking up extra hours because money sings in my checking account every week that I receive a paycheck. Anyways, working is becoming tough and not really because the weather has been so awesome (which it has) or because I dislike working. Nope, not in the least. I love being able to interact with other adults and making a difference (albeit very tiny)in some anonymous person's life. Because of course the people I police on a website have no real idea of who I am. I could be someone in India for all they know. I LOVE the women I work with and it's such a blessing to have some of them as my friends too. Bur recently my job tasks changed and it's stressful every hour I work.

But I digress. I took the job as a means to save a little more money for a down payment on a house and that is what it shall become in the next month or so, just in time to celebrate my one year anniversary working for the site. Hahaha! I can't believe that I haven't saved more. In my defense we actually put off so much over the previous years that we needed to do some catching up with buying some "stuff." And of course I may have indulged a little more in the eating out category and buying some little stuff that I might not have needed. So yet another day that I have worked passes and tomorrow is yet another day that I will continue to earn a little bit more to currently contribute to all of our family graduates (people even more desperate for money right now). :)

On a completely different note. I really miss my siblings, one of which is abroad and the other who is located across the country. I have picked up the phone numerous times to call one of them realizing that one can't take my calls right now and the other is actually working. Argh! Oh well, at least the world traveler will arrive back in the states in a few days and then I can call and annoy to no end. And I can keep stalking the other sibling in case there is a chance of loneliness or missing me (most unlikely).

My goal for this week is to make it to Friday and enjoy my wonderful, beautiful, amazing day off! Thank you God for making this possible, and in case you're reading this God, I am kindly requesting mild weather with no rain. Just in case. Always be prepared...

Strung out. Period.

I am so incredibly tired and my knee is killing me. I would like to say that is the end of my whining, however I am sure I will whine just a bit more before I hit the hay tonight. Between Matt and work I am at my wit's end. Six hours of work doesn't seem that bad and especially when one can work from home. Let me just say what I think moms and dads everywhere would say - easier said than done. Working from home can be brutal. Yes, you don't necessarily have to pay for childcare or a wardrobe to work outside of the house in. However, you end up ignoring your child to some degree because work is calling and your home gets messier by the minute.

Everyone talks about how jealous they are of me and sometimes I just wish I worked in an office so I could work in peace. I love my son more than almost anyone...but at three and a half he still needs a great deal of interaction. And right now I have never worked harder than I do at this job. This job suddenly became much more complicated and difficult lately due to a promotion on the website. I am sure some of my friends think I have gone into witness protection because I no longer want to leave my home. In my spare time I try to sleep and keep up at home or hang out with my now retired Mom.

I can't wait for Friday; it will not come soon enough! So as for the catching up...I will work on a month of events each day starting Friday (my first day off).

Until then I am off to take a shower and ice my knee...and probably indulge in a little ibuprofen. :)